Baby Mama Drama

I never thought I’d EVER say this – but I officially have baby mama drama. But my baby is 50 lbs, covered in hair and just cost me $200 at the vet because she’s had diarrhea for 5 days… moving on

Let’s start from the beginning:

I met my ex on Tinder.

I fell in love with him, he moved in with me, everything was great. I have never had a good relationship or knew what it was like to have a man treat you with respect so this was all very exciting for me. After graduating I had two options: move to NYC and start producing a film on my own or stay in Texas with no plan at all. I chose the latter in the name of love (barf)

The lease on my apartment was up at the end of June and I had no where to go. He moved into a house with his friends and I moved onto my friends couch. I lended him all of my furniture because when you’re homeless, the last thing you need is a shit ton of IKEA furniture laying around an apartment that you don’t have. I had no luck finding work and was devastated that he almost instantaneously lost interest in our relationship despite me having stayed in the state of Texas in pursuit of something serious.

Things were on and off. He was shocked that I asked him to pay for my furniture since all I gave him was a really fucking comfortable IKEA bed, mattress, night stand, lamp, plates, silverware, cups, wine glasses, chairs, I don’t know… everything I’ve ever owned? Child, you are not getting that ish fo free. So he bought me my dog, Lucy, as payment.



It seemed like things were getting better. I met his parents, he met mine. I thought things were going really well until recently when he stopped letting me come into the house, if I needed to pick something up… he’d make me wait outside. He doesn’t answer my texts, only wants to be there when it’s convenient for him. He’s never paid for a vet bill and says he’ll see Lucy but doesn’t show up because he and his friends are watching football… typical baby daddy. 

This past Thursday I get an unexpected call from him – I normally only hear from him if he’s drunk and wants to spoon or needs a ride to pick up his car from the night before. He asked me how my week was going and what I was up to this weekend…. veryyy out of character. And then, nonchalantly, he adds that he wants to take Lucy on a “puppy vacation” with his roommates, their girlfriends, and their dogs… You’re joking right? They were all going camping for the weekend, about three hours away from home. So I said I would think about it and would text him the next day.

Needless to say the answer was helllllll naw. You don’t pay a single bill, you never see her, but now you want to take her to a cabin in the middle-of-nowhere Texas while you and your friends get obliterated and she probably ends up getting eaten by a bear? No thank you. His reaction could be summed up in telling me to fuck myself.

Baby daddy’s are the worst. I felt like I should jump on the angry baby mama train and post a sassy Facebook status about it.

So, Lucy and I spent the weekend in Austin going to the dog park, running six miles on Saturday, going to South Congress to have a couple margs and watch live music, driving around Austin listening to Daddy Yankee, she was getting hit on by hot dudes left and right… I was not, we hiked the Green Belt, and then it ended at the vet with a case of violent diarrhea.

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Does this girl have the best life or what? Here’s to being a single mom.

Also, what in the name of all things holy is this????

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