Where to Begin

My name is Hannah. I look like this:

selfie.sorry

It’s a selfie – get over it

People call me Hannah Montana, Hannah Banana, Hanny, Han, Hanniqua. I never thought so many things could come from a palindrome. I’m 22 and am from Boston, a Masshole at it’s finest. Somehow, I wound up in Texas and really couldn’t tell you much from there. It’s been four years now and I haven’t gotten sick of queso or tequila yet so it’s not as bad as it seems.

I guess you could say I’m at a crossroad… at least that’s how my parents and Britney Spears would put it.

I graduated from college in May 2013 and had a ticket to move to New York City with job prospects lined up. My godmother lived there, I had a couch to sleep on, it’s where I’ve always wanted to be.

I wish I could tell you I went… but I met someone instead. Threw caution to the wind and decided to stay in Texas with no apartment, no car and no job because love conquers all right?

Spoiler alert: It didn’t work out. 

I thought I was in love once before. We were together for five years but he left me for a seventeen-year-old waitress at Denny’s. I was heartbroken and mortified and never thought I’d allow myself to care for someone again knowing all too well that they’d shit all over my little baby heart.

So I went on Tinder and took a chance and now I’m in bed with a bottle of wine, Ben & Jerry’s, Netflix and the dog that he bought me.

Lucy - she was worth the heartbreak though, right?

Lucy – she was worth it though, right?

Some people mayyy find this pathetic. I’m not one of those people. Sure I’m sad, he was my best friend, but I almost feel liberated.

1) I can literally eat this entire carton of ice cream by myself… and I will.

2) I can watch whatever I want on Netflix (Portlandia sucks, sorry)

3) I can go to the gym  for the sole purpose of checking myself out, because there truly is no better feeling than squeezing into skinny jeans from freshman year and being astonished by how good your ass looks.

4) I can travel and move wherever my little heart that has been shat on and shat on desires.

5) I can cook a four course meal for myself and not feel judged for eating the entire thing and maybe more.

6) I can appreciate my friends who I pushed aside because I was busy focusing on someone who, a year later, isn’t in the picture, while they’ve been there since I had braces and was crying over that hussy from Denny’s.

The best part of this though, is that I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want. For instance, right now I look like an inmate. Do I care? No. Does my dog care? Hell no. I feed her and she sings along to Marc Anthony with me, that’s all she cares about.

Things are changing and writing is the best way for me to reflect on things and laugh at myself, so here we are.

Feel free to laugh with me.